So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
