oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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