True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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