How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
