I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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