I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
