apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
