The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
