he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
