he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
