Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
