You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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