I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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