problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
