I'm jealous of your bromance
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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