just tell him i said nine months
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
