just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
