Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
