Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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