Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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