You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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