I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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