I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
