just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Still dying that you shit outside
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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