I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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