So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
