Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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