I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
