Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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