The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
