im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
