we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
