I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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