I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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