I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
