Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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