Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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