Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
