My sheets look like a crime scene.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
