You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
