Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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