dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
