no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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