Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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