: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize