You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
