Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Help. Why am I so naked?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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