I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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