Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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