She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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