Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We need to rekindle our bromance
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
