Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize