Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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