He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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