My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
