I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
