when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
