Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
