look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
