I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
