Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize