break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
