btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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