I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize