Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
