I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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