found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
