Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
